Funny you should ask.  With the support of a small grant, one so insignificant, in fact, that it could be considered fictional, I’ve recently contracted with an outside entity – the Center for Regional Analytics and Performance – to review our data since we began inviting online submissions.  My objective was to answer this precise question.  Dr. Miklos Kisbolond, the Center’s director, believes the analysis will be complete by year’s end, at which time it will be delivered to us.  It might later appear in a respected journal.

[written in answer space:  ew.]

You’re in love with the ancient Egyptian sun god? Hey, that’s terrific! I say go for it: life is short, unless you’re Ra, then it’s eternal. Of course, I don’t need to remind you of complications that could arise from a love affair with such a deity. His falcon’s beak might make kissing problematic and potentially painful; since he shares many of his symbols with other solar deities, you could be pulled into complicated litigation surrounding ownership rights; and he’s often unpredictable and secretive. But on the upswing, he might let you drive his tricked out solar boat and wear some of his supercool headgear.

Such a question has been known to blow a few minds during certain smoke-filled social settings on weekend (or weekday!) evenings (or mornings!). Seriously, though, it’s whatever time you want it to be (that is to say, select from among the 24 standard time zones). Since longitudinal rays come together at the poles, no one time zone exists there. Polar explorers tend to use the time zone of the country from which they’ve departed. Good luck on your expedition; let us know when you return.

The Red Friars, or more precisely, The Order of the Red Friars, were a senior men’s secret honorary society, founded in 1913 at Trinity College. The Order voluntarily disbanded in 1971. The Red Friars’ mission was to promote social spirit at Trinity College, later Duke University; later groups declared their purpose was to foster loyalty and interest in the university through anonymous service in student organizations. The organization’s records can be found in the Duke University Archives.

[written in answer space:  Always, yes.]

Did you have a question, Representative Wilson?

Good gracious!  Why would you want to do that?  Because if you impress him, you might marry him after graduation.  He’d hang around the fringes of academia until he became a librarian, inevitably committing the two of you to a life of penury.  But if you really can’t help yourself, being seen in the von der Heyden Pavilion with an open copy Finnegans Wake should do the trick. Believe me, he won’t understand it anymore than you do.

Get rid of your conscience.

[written in answer space:  with a feral net]

Strip down, slather yourself with bacon grease, and lie in the middle of Chapel Quad. You’ll get all the attention you desire and more.

I’d have to say The Darjeeling Limited, although I dig the soundtrack for The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (Hooray for Mark Mothersbaugh!).

Discovering that would be like peeling back the layers of The Onion.  I suspect, though, that you do (!).  But who am I to stand in the way of some good old fashioned self-promotion?