Emma Spaulding Bryant Letters
An On-line Archival Collection
Special Collections Library, Duke University

Wakeman, Aug. 19, 1873
Tuesday morning

My Darling Husband,

I went to the train this morning intending to go to Swanton to-day stop there to-night and go direct to Earl to morrow but my plans have been again frustrated -- just before starting I rec'd a note from cousin and in it she said that her children had had the scarlet fever one of them being sick with it a week ago when she expected me but that they were entirely well now and I need not fear to go -- I was in a great dilemma about going there. On thinking the matter over decided to go and make my visit at the home of one of the other relations where I could see my cousin instead of at her own home -- but on the way to the depot I began to wonder what sister would think about it and thought that she would perhaps feel uneasy about if I did go, and so very reluctantly gave it up. I feel very badly in disappointing my cousin for her husband came out to meet me a week ago and will come again to-day. I did not feel that there was any more danger or I would not of course have decided to carry baby but I did not feel at liberty to do anything which might cause sister any uneasiness now, while I am a guest in her house.

I returned from the depot because this morning train would not only give me a very tiresome ride with baby but would force me to change cars in Chicago between 8 and 9 o'clock PM when baby is sleepy and tired, but very likely necessitate my remaining over night in Chicago.

So I intend now to take the sleeping car here at bet. 4 & 5 this afternoon and will reach Chicago to-morrow morning and probably reach sister at noon if not earlier.

I shall hope that we can stop a day with cousin when we return in October. I am very glad, very happy to be "your own darling wife" once more, to know that you do love me as warmly as ever

Now if I am your own darling wife let me ask you one favor. Dont come on in October expecting to talk over all this unhappiness through which we have passed. If we really and truly trust each other and love each other let us trust in that alone to take us safely through the future -- a "platform" will only be a source of trouble, and writing is much safer than talking, because I at least have carefully considered every word that I have written you and all save the few lines sent in Lucy's have been kept over night and reread two or three times to be sure that I wrote nothing that I would ever need to recall, while if you try to talk with me when you come I may say something on the spur of the moment that I do not so fully mean. In the letters that I have written you I have shown my true self, so I say again, dont let us talk it over -- If I think you come with that intention I shall even dread your coming, much as I wish to see you.

Write me please that it shall not be talked over, that we will taboo it as a subject of conversation, shall we not?

I do want to make you happy, my darling, and I mean to try by every means that I do not believe will be an injury to you and me -- honestly I do not believe that we shall clash in our views in the future as much as we have done in the past in any case there is no appeal but mutual love and trust.

I think we can often see whether our requirements are just by the simple experiment of "put yourself in his place." I think I shall be ready to make any concession which you feel sure you could make if you were wife and I husband -- where we differ upon any point suppose we mutually agree to put ourselves (mentally) in each others place, remembering.

[Attched in John Bryant's handwriting: "If I had been enabled to carry out my purposes our family would have been disgraced for ever it is true; our little Alice would grow up, if she was permitted to live, with the iron driven deep into her soul, but even that was better than for me to go through life broken in spirit."]

Please read the above very carefully and tell me if you are not shocked at the spirit of utter selfishness that pervades it -- remember that our leader, Christ, died that the guilty might live -- you would have thought it better to destroy the happiness of your family and that of the baby dearer than self to you than that your spirit should be broken -- to let the innocent suffer that you might gratify hate and revenge. Please, dear husband, take in the whole horribleness of this thing that you may see what an evil spirit you have permitted to creep into your heart and that you may seize him and throw him out so completely that he shall never dare lay wait and ensnare you again.

[Attached in John Bryant's handwriting: "Let me tell you where your course will lead, if I consent; sooner or later to free love; just as in civil affairs the same tendency leads to the Commune, so in domestic affairs the freedom of the wife leads to free love"]

Where does the "freedom" of the husband lead to? "Is it not a poor rule that will not work both ways" (I quote from your last letter.)

Aug 19 - A

I have by mistake burned the sheet which I wished to enclose to you, speaking of the husband as absolute head over the wife using the parallel of church, government, nation, companies etc. It was apparently a very conclusive and satisfactory argument to you at the time, but I wished to give you the pleasure of re-reading it with these other paragraphs.

I have only to say in reply -- if you value my love -- if you wish to retain my respect -- if you desire to remain my ideal of what is manly and noble and true, never use such words or sentiments to me again by letter or by word

You degrade yourself by them, and would degrade me if I received them. This sheet is my full, final answer to your letter by express -- I will do anything, everything, in my power for your happiness my darling husband and, if I could, perhaps I would believe (for your happiness) black to be white, and a lie to be the truth, but unfortunately I cant. There are women so constituted that they can, but I am not thus constituted as you must have learned before we were married, so please do not urge impossibilities.

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